A Father's Responsibility

JP | #Intangibl3
Jul 12, 2017
6 min read

A Lack of Masculine Role Models

Being a father is probably the most difficult thing that I'll ever do. I have three sons and I can confidently say that, while they bring joy and love to my life that I'll never find elsewhere, being a good father to them has proven to be very trying.

My wife and I had our first son at the ripe old age of 18. Back then we thought we were immune from the real troubles of life and that bringing a baby into a world where we owned absolutely nothing was a brilliant idea. Our naivete was only outpaced by our ignorance. Back then the one thing that I knew was that I refused to repeat the mistakes of those that had gone before me.

Growing up without a true masculine role model was difficult. As a child I didn't understand why I felt the way I did; why I felt out of place. I was a boy seeking adventure and danger and strength, but with absolutely zero masculine encouragement behind me I was stuck in a pit of fear and anxiety.

The only exception to weakness that I found was in movies and books - where I spent most of my time. It is my firm belief that boys need masculine men in their lives if they have any hope of growing into a proper man themselves. Without strong men to help guide the way it becomes nearly impossible for boys to grow into men.

While I didn't have that, I suppose that I did still have that one thought to spur me onward: I refused to be like those weak men that I had seen in my life. I hated them and wanted nothing more than to show them through my actions as an adult just how weak and backward they were. As a result of this I leaned in too far.

I became overbearing, and while anger had always been natural to me, it grew out of control. I was angry at the world and at weakness. Unfortunately I wasn't aware at the time that losing my temper is also a sign of weakness. I thought it made me strong but it really just ended up hurting those that I loved most and with no good reason.

And so, the road has been long and rough, and we're no where near the end of it, but I've learned quite a bit. I've learned that it's my responsibility as a husband and father to lead my family.

I've discovered that there can be no room for laziness and weakness - discipline is how one attains freedom. I now know that real joy comes from being satisfied with a job well done, not from indulging in instant gratification.

I no longer hate the man from whom I obtained my name. I no longer hate the man who made my mother work harder than he ever did. I realize that they are just people. I don't hate them, but I do hate their weakness. That weakness is something I will never claim as my own.

Any fool can have a child...

...but it takes a real man to be a father.

When we look at the state of fatherhood in the West today we can easily see that it is in crises. Masculinity is sneered at by the mainstream. Something that was once seen as a strength is now seen as an obstacle. As a result our culture has become laden with fat, lazy bastards who care nothing for the lives that they are responsible for.

There aren't many things that make me angrier than that all too often fulfilled stereotype of a man. You know the one I'm talking about. Just look at any of a number of popular sitcoms today and you'll see. Even worse, though, are the men who think they are entitled to special treatment just because they have a dick.

If you want recognition you have to actually fucking do something worth recognizing.

Having a dick isn't special - about half of the human population has one. And many of them are weak or worthless. They are too selfish or weak to fight for themselves and their children end up suffering for it. Far too often their sons grow up to be just like them and continuing the cycle.

The Western family is under attack and has taken quite a beating. It's okay now for men to be weak and it disgusts me.

Fatherly Duty

I know now that if I want to raise strong, independent, intelligent men that I need to fit those qualities. I need to be the masculine role model that they must have and in fact it is no one's responsibility but mine.

I have resolved to fight my heart out to be for my sons what I wish that I'd had growing up. I'm not perfect by any means but I know that through disciplining my mind and my body, and by seeking out true fulfillment instead of instant gratification, I will be a far better example for them - especially in this world of laziness and half-measures.

What does that mean, exactly?

For me it means that I focus on not only strengthening my own body, but that I actively teach them how to exercise and help them get into a good routine to build good habits when they are still young. It means teaching him what I know about self-defense, strength, nutrition and just staying strong and healthy, while constantly seeking to push myself and learn more in these areas for my own self-development and also so that I can provide them with that information and those techniques.

It means learning all that I can in every area from survival to science to history to spirituality and everything in between, and teaching it to my boys. It means having a growth mindset. It means learning every day all that I can learn that day. It means working every day as much as I can work that day. And it definitely involves a lot of reading.

It also involves allowing only people conducive to this type of life into our lives. It means associating with people from whom you are able to learn. And, it means letting your children learn from people who are smarter than you.

Let's face it: It is our job as fathers to teach and to train our children. It is not the school's responsibility, regardless of how they or you feel about it. School doesn't teach children how to survive, or how to manage money, or how to defend themselves, or how to make good choices, or how to think outside the box. School teaches children how to think like everyone else and to be dependent upon the system.

It is the father's job to know these things and to impart them to their children. Your children are your responsibility. Without your masculine example your sons will not be able to become all that they can be.

When I think about that I am filled with fire.

I'm responsible for who my sons will be someday - and that isn't something that can be taken lightly.

So, no matter how much I must work and learn and earn, I will do it for myself and for my family so that we all have the best chance of living the kind of life that we think is worth living.

Of course only one of my sons is old enough right now to understand this sort of thing - as the other two are both less than 3 years old, but by starting now I will give my sons an advantage over nearly all of their peers.