Why Guilt Is A Good Thing

JP | #Intangibl3
Mar 2, 2017
3 min read

So I've written about why it is a terrible idea to live according to the expectations of others. It is a destructive way for anyone to live, particularly the man that is trying to live in such a way as to be as genuinely himself as possible.

If you want to live an authentic life, the expectations of others should play very little to no role in your decisions and actions. And you certainly shouldn't feel guilty about not living up to those expectations. There is a standard that you should have for yourself, though, and when you don't meet that standard you should feel guilty.

I won't dive into exactly what your standard should look like because that all depends on you and the goals you have for yourself. Of course there are some things that ought to be universal when it comes to a man's standard for himself, but that is a topic for another day.

No one enjoys the feeling of guilt so you may be wondering why I am telling you that you should feel guilty when most others are telling readers that guilt is bad and that you should let it go. Let me be clear: I'm not talking about long term destructive guilt. Every emotion has a point where it makes a random turn and drives off of a cliff. Love becomes obsession; dislike becomes hatred; shyness turns into agoraphobia; but that sort of guilt, the kind that pushes some to swallow a bullet, is not what I'm trying to push here. I'm talking about that pain you feel in your gut when you fail yourself. That guilt is there for a reason, and it isn't to make you feel sorry for yourself.

The guilt that you feel when you fail yourself is entirely a good thing, because that is the thing that is going to push you and stop you from failing next time. You may think that it is a weight holding you back from progression, but in reality it is the force that pushes you into further progression.

Growth in mind, body and spirit are cultivated when one does not meet his standards. It has been long said that you learn more from failure than from victory and it's true. You learn more from your failures, but it goes beyond that. If you allow yourself to be pushed, the guilt you feel from failing to hold yourself to your high standard will push you and help to build forward momentum.

No one wants to feel guilty, but it is part of life. When I don't meet the standard that I set for myself then I do feel genuinely guilty. It feels like I let myself and my family down. And it sucks - but it is necessary. Guilt keeps us from becoming perpetually failing losers. It keeps us from slipping too far into the "dad-bod" mentality (dad-bods are not okay).

In fact one of the things that makes me feel the worst is how I let myself get so overweight. I've been told repeatedly that I don't really look all that fat, but I've got way too much fucking fat. I way approximately 250 pounds right now and - again - that is way too much fucking fat.

That shit makes me feel guilty. That makes me feel like a failure. But that is all changing right "the fuck" now. Guilt feels like shit - but it doesn't feel nearly as bad as regret. That is where guilt drives off of the cliff - it becomes regret. If you let it. But I'm not going to let it become regret. Regret is the thing I fear, or maybe despise is the right word, the most in this life because it is evidence that I lived a half-assed life. Fuck that.

To make certain that I live to the fullest I'm gonna relish the guilt that comes with failure. Just like the edge of fear that keeps you sharp in possibly dangerous situations - that guilt is going to keep me sharp. I know what waits for me if I don't burn it up - do you?

-JP